Saturday, May 19, 2007
Where is everyone?
I was sitting there reading "The Shaping of Things to Come" and it brought me to tears to read about my beloved community Ichthus. It is sad to me that there is no place in the physical or virtual world where we can hear from each other on where everyone has ended up and where they are in world now. I will be contacting everyone I know to send me whatever they have, thoughts, pictures, video, etc to post here...Maybe someone who really knows what they are doing can start and build an actual website and pick up the torch...?
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Man o man o man... Ain't this the shiznitch?..
So here I am in Entebbe, Uganda (that's in Africa by the way) checking my email and John D. slaps this on me. Kinda crazy. From the LBC to me who's now more African-American than half those who walked Garey avenue at night. So for me, I'm now married (Cheri) -as a lot of you who attended the wedding last year and got the email updates ever since know- to a girl who couldn't have come from a culture anymore opposite than our Pomona beehive of indie music and indie spirituality. But even though she's never been to a show, doesn't know what a Technic 1200 is, and thinks 'jungle music' is the sound of the birds in the green leafy stuff outside our door, I love her even still. It's wierd to think the road I traveled since the days of Icthus to now. But that's all another story...
So what about now? This month - it seems to change every couple - Cheri and I fly airplanes for a humanitarian organization called Air Serv (www.airserv.org) into war torn or famine ridden villages to drop off meds, food, whatever's.. Most of the time I'd call myself a missionary pilot. But sometimes I'm ashamed of how pitifully so many Christians here (including myself) fall short of the true spiritual part of that term. I'm slowly learning being a missionary, actually, being a Christian, means to love the one in front of you, without expectation of a grander plan or a better thing, but to instead to see the life of the one you love like a brother, grow towards the light of our wonderful Savior Jesus... We might have done that better back in our Pomona days than most here with my occupational intentions will ever do...
You know Benny Hinn had a crusade here in the capital city last night? And you know what else that's even crazier? I WENT! Never thought I would, but it's kinda like the Eiffel Tower in Paris; if you're there, why not go? Church, God, Benny Hinn, it all takes on so many new meanings (and thus requires new non-western approaches) when you are faced with a culture that either longs for the supernatural power that only Jesus can bring, or instead is just giving you a willing ear in hopes that you might throw them a shilling or two when you are done with your speal...
As for myself, I still live and operate out of many of the wonderfully independent ways that Icthus shaped me, still love that emo and electronica music that I've always loved (hehe), and still think of all you guys so much. It's kinda weird being 27 here, ...now. I have less hair, sometimes maybe a few more dollars, and by far less real friends than I ever did in Pomona. Life seems like a double image sometimes, the person I am (how you all know me) and the person that living on the mission field forces you to be (friends with others with your same occupation just because were all here in this dirty place together). I agree with John in that there may never again be a time and place for anyone of us like we had in Pomona together. Most stateside people may sadly never know that God and his beautiful creative nature actually exists outside their pews and conventional church system and longs to meet kidz like we were in the culture that we loved and lived. (Which is actually a very Biblical concept by the way.) In some ways, it seems like the world's our oyster now, but in others, growing up is hard -and sometimes not that fun- to do. Yes, a part of me will always love and live in a dingy little art gallery on 2nd street...
I'll be in town again in September.
heart,
Anthony
Former icthus family---
Man has it been a long strange trip. (thank you Grateful Dead)
I've been meaning to write for such a long time. Generally, I think about what I want to say when I'm working at night and my thoughts are all my own. I knew that when I got started though, that it would need to be a long letter to my lost loved ones. So I'll start here and go til I don't want to write anymore.
What icthus means to me:
Icthus is and will always be my family. When I look back and think of those times, I only have very fond memories. Having been raised in the church and attended many different incarnations of "church", icthus was completely different from all that went before it. And it was the first time I ever really understood what it meant to be a church family.
I think we all can agree we had our challenges, but it's too easy to focus on the things that were hurtful or disappointing to each person. We all, myself included, were indeed both hurting and hurtful to everyone we called brother. But just because you may have had a bad experience or two (or many), that doesn't, in my mind, make what icthus was doing a bad thing or in any way diminish the effectiveness of what we all were trying to do there in Pomona.
Even though I don't talk with any of the former members of the church, when I think of them I get such a warm loving feeling in my heart. Brian and Heidi, John and Raquel, Paul and Kieva, Thomas, John Douglas and Becky, Becka, Jillian and Chris, Al, BB, Andre, Greg, Josh, Heather, Yvette, and all the others who I forget at this time. These people were my family! My loved ones! And they still are. Its just that we've all gone our ways. But I believe we will all be together again.
I'll never forget the crazy things we did as we were building relationships with each other. The guerrilla art in downtown. The jiu-jitsu studio. The coffee house setting. It was real and it did happen. And EVERYONE should take comfort in knowing that God used us to make a difference in so many lives. Even if you felt like it was nothing but disappointment. Don't discount the power of God. Just accept that at that moment, in that time, you may have only been a pawn on a very large chessboard. It's all about the outcome and your move was part of the game.
I think one of the most lasting impressions I will ever have of icthus was the day I first told someone that Robbin had left me. Greg was driving by one day and decided to stop. I was outside and he was in his car in the driveway. He asked something about Robbin and I had to tell him she was gone. It was so hard to admit my wife had left me. His first reaction was to get out of his car and hug me and ask if he could pray for me. I was a blubbering mess and this man, Gods servant, took me in his arms and just held me and let me cry. I'll never ever forget his display of pure love. That act will always define icthus to me.
I never felt rejected by icthus. And I would submit to you all, whoever reads this, that icthus did not reject anyone. People rejected themselves by their own actions and convictions. We all know when we're living outside the will of God. And it just makes it harder to be around those really trying to abide within His will because it makes ones shortcomings so much more obvious.
So if anyone with an axe to grind should read these words, please take a look at yourself before you disparage what we all were trying to do at icthus.
I suppose I've said my piece. Truly I do miss you all and pray that your all well. It is good to know I will see each of you again.
Blessings,
Steven
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